Bring 2 cups water to a boil in a small pot. Turn off the heat, mix in the TVP, cover, and let sit for 20 minutes until completely softened. Drain in a fine-mesh strainer and let cool. Once cool enough to handle, squeeze out any liquid with the back of a rubber spatula. Place in the fridge to cool further before processing.

Mash the beans into a puree. Mix in the cold water, mayo, onion powder, garlic powder, tamari, nooch, and salt. Stir in the cooked TVP. Mix in the pea protein and vital wheat gluten, and knead for about 3 minutes into a springy dough. You can use kitchen gloves for this process if you have them.

Prepare six 10-inch squares of aluminum foil and parchment for wrapping. Prepare your steamer. Divide the dough into 6 even-ish pieces. Roll each piece into a ball, then mold and roll into about a 6-inch sausage shape. Wrap each piece in parchment-lined foil, twisting the ends like a Tootsie Roll. Don't worry too much about shaping it — it will snap into shape while steaming.

Place the wrapped chick'n in the steamer and steam for 45 minutes, turning once. They should feel firm to the touch. Let cool completely before proceeding. This can take an hour or so. It's best to let them cool in the wrapper even though it takes longer.

Once cool, unwrap each log. Slice into ½-inch pieces, discarding the uneven ends. (Discarding actually means a snack for the chef to eat.)

In a large wide bowl, mix together the slurry ingredients. On a separate large plate, mix the breading ingredients and place it right beside the slurry, with an empty tray next to that for the breaded nuggets. Place a handful of naked nuggets into the slurry. Use your left hand to retrieve a nugget, then use your right hand to cover it in breadcrumbs and toss to coat. Bread all nuggets.

Stovetop fry method: Have ready paper towels or a paper bag for draining. Preheat a large cast-iron pan over medium heat. Pour in about ½ inch of oil. The oil is ready when a tiny bit of breadcrumbs bubbles quickly when tossed in. In batches, fry the nuggets on one side for about 3 minutes, flipping once and cooking for another 2 minutes, or until beautifully golden brown. Transfer to paper towels to drain and add more oil as needed between batches.

Air fryer method: Preheat your air fryer to 375°F. Lightly spray the nuggets with oil on both sides. Air fry in a single layer for about 12 minutes, shaking the basket halfway through, until golden brown and crispy. Work in batches so they have room to breathe.